I am often at a loss for words when people congratulate me on finishing my 2-year acting program. Like yes, I did my capital F FINAL SCENE, and yes it was quite the commitment. But do we have time for me to get into how much the class transformed me?

In newsletter land we do! Over the next few weeks, I will share the most meaningful gifts my acting training imparted to me. Starting with the gift of returning home to myself.

When I first started my Meisner training, my mind tyrannized my life. I was insecure about how a concussion had affected me and feared I would never be as smart or quick-witted as before. To overcompensate for what I believed I had lost, I became obsessed with optimization.

As a result, I had lost touch with my gut and intuition. This manifested in class by acting that was frequently critiqued as “too heady”. With patience and repetition, I started to “get it”, and physically and emotionally grasp what it felt like to work from the gut. Two years of training later, my capacity to work from my gut instinct has expanded, while my tendency to action every mental thought has faded. Meisner rebalanced me by allowing me to reconnect with my body and honor and listen to it. It corrected this devaluating I had placed on non-brain signals, and allowed for my body, spirit, and mind to once again live in harmony with each other.

Meisner training has transformed how I view and experience life. I move through the world in a softer, more gentle way. I am more able to observe the present moment (whether delightful or devastating) and feel less a prisoner of my own mind.

I am sad to think I could have lived life without returning to intuition. As my comfort with my intuition has grown, I have become more tolerant of the gap where my body might sense something while my mind can’t articulate why. I am grateful that my path gave me an opportunity to course correct and return home to myself. May I continue to rebuild self-trust and cultivate faith that I can steer my path in the right direction. May YOU continue to rebuild self-trust and cultivate faith that you can steer your path in the right direction.

Toybox

• 📺️ John Wilson’s How To on HBO is so damn clever. He weaves together raw NY footage with his dorky unsure of himself voice. He then hits you with some hard facts and existential questions (did you know NYC scaffolding is an $8B business?). It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed a show this much.

• 📕 This emoji even looks like the cover of ‘All About Love: New Visions’ by Bell Hooks. I’m currently enjoying the section on solitude vs loneliness.

• 📙 Mary Karr was a poet before she became a memoir writer, and it shows in the third of her series 'Lit’. She shares how she overcame alcoholism with AA and faith and made me ponder my own spirituality.

• 🤠 I confess I am in a country era. Willie Nelson and Tyler Childers are on my heavy rotation.

That’s it for this edition, take care until the next.

XOXO JZ