We all experience love, joy, grief, jealousy, longing, and neglect. We all desire, dream, and wish for something different than what we have. We all have complex relationships with loved ones, wish we took better care of ourselves, and spend too much time scrolling and not enough time living.

I just finished a two-year acting program, and the biggest lesson it taught me is that much of what we experience individually is shared universally. I am not good, bad, special, or doomed because I experience these things; I simply am. This perspective challenges societal conditioning, which labels certain feelings—generosity, love, and compassion—as desirable, and others—greed, envy, and resentment—as undesirable. Acting has helped me deprogram this, teaching me to seek truthfulness and harbor less judgment toward specific feelings.

Anger is one of those feelings I previously judged but now feel more open to. Over the last two years, I have embodied characters who insult their sister at a family function, cuss out their best friend after a night of poor sleep, or kick out all their husband’s party guests. These scenes have given me an opportunity to explore realities I wouldn't choose for myself, as I typically strive for calm, peaceful resolutions. I had to overcome my initial judgment that these characters were emotionally immature or petty. I eventually realized that this judgment was not constructive, as it blocked me from further exploring the reasons behind a character’s behavior.

Exploring Barbara, Sully, and Gracie… all led back towards Jiaxin. In creating emotional realities for my characters, I was also validating my own emotions in past experiences of holding back or not fully feeling my anger. Each scene gave me a container to explore anger, to not be frightened by it, and to feel it more deeply. This exploration has made me feel more whole.

I realized I frequently avoided anger because it overwhelms me and triggers self-censorship. When I feel anger, I immediately think, “No, don’t make this worse. Mute this feeling, minimize it, shoo it away.” I have now learned that suppressing frustration and anger limits not only my range as an actor but also leads me away from my true essence in my personal life. Ignoring anger now means it will fester into resentment later.

I now view anger as a guiding light rather than a sinful emotion. I find solace in knowing that others experience anger and the feelings surrounding it too. That makes me feel more connected to the world while feeling more grounded in myself. This month, I invite you, without causing harm to yourself or your community, to welcome anger and work with it. What could anger be trying to tell you? What aspects of your life might it be nudging you to adjust or change?

Exploring anger

Below are some journal prompts to explore anger:

• Do I allow myself to feel angry? Why or why not?

• When I was a child, how did my caretakers model anger? How might that have impacted my relationship with anger?

• Is there something I might want to shift in my relationship towards anger?

Toybox

• 🎭️ It’s hard to believe that my two-year training is over! You can see my final scene here. If you are looking for a solid structured acting class, I cannot recommend Empowerhouse Studio in Berkeley enough - a new cohort is starting up in the fall so now is a good time to join!

• 📻️ I cried listening to Fresh Air’s Bon Jovi interview and how he weaves the beautiful moments in his life into his art. He wrote “Got the Girl” in 2000, and just now released “Kiss the Bride”, both about his daughter.

• 📚️ Butter is hands down the best novel I’ve read in a longggg time. I can’t recall the last time I felt sad a book was over, sad that I could no longer witness the heroine’s world of journalism and epicurean delight. Asako Yuzuki’s first (of hopefully many more) English translated novel gripped me and has significantly increased my butter intake.

That’s it for this edition, take care until the next.

XOXO JZ