Bombastic

In lieu of my usual essay on healing and creativity, this week’s newsletter is a short story set on a rainy day. I hope this brings you a chuckle. - Jiaxin

“More sake?” the waiter asked. We nodded in unison.

Discarding my edamame pod, I sip my remaining sake sitting across Derek and Sean. We were coming down from a trip, and after being inspired by Yayoi Kusama’s infinite mirrors decided to continue the Japanese theme and get sushi. We were in Ryoko’s, pop art hiding the structural pillars in the basement we were in.

Out of my right peripheral I noticed a girl walk in. She sat down, wearing a camel blouse, black pencil skirt, and Burberry welly boots. She took her spot and peeled off her black raincoat (also Burberry), revealing long beautiful hair ever so effortlessly tossed, and a made-up face with recently extended lashes.

She was here for a first date, I observed, as I floated in and out of conversation. I ordered a fatty cut of tuna while my friends got gyoza and rolls.

She sat there alone, checking her phone as her eyes occasionally scanned the room for newcomers. Finally, he arrived. Wearing jeans, a beige J crew sweater, and a navy north face raincoat, he exuded mediocrity. Great, an Asian chick and a white probably software engineer, tell me something I didn’t already know.

She held a firm focused eye contact as she engaged him in conversation. How far away did he live, was he able to stay dry, throwing him some softballs as they waited for someone to take their drink order.

I finally broke the news to my friends. “Guys guys there’s a first date 3’oclock over yonder and she’s way cuter than him.”

“No way!” Derek exclaims as he turned.

“No, Derek stop, you’re being totally obvious,” I try to damage control.

I give Derek and Sean the rundown. As they’re tearing apart my evaluation and trying to convince me that the software engineer probably has more merits than I’m giving him credit for, we are interrupted.

“More sake?”

Sure, we say. I head up to the ladies’ room, feeling somewhat voyeuristic as I pass the couple on my way.

Upon my return, Derek is now sitting in my spot.

“This is the best angle, I see what Jiaxin was saying” he shouts.

“Goddamn Derek KEEP IT DOWN” I hiss at him.

Nearly sobbing, it’s now Sean’s turn to go to the men’s room, and he gets even closer to the couple because their table is right by the men’s room. He returns, eyes wide.

“Guys, I can hear EVERYTHING you’re saying from the men’s room”

We all instinctually look over at the table. Derek claps his hands over his mouth.

“Oh shit, we made eye contact, and she gave me a “Can you stop” look.”

“Oh god okay we gotta go” I exclaim as I wave the waiter down.

“More sake?”

“No please we’ll just take the check”.

We head out before we can cause any more damage, snorting and chuckling through the rain as we make our way back to our car.

“Honestly, we might’ve made that poor girl’s night,” Sean said, glancing at me through the rearview mirror.

“At least we made it memorable,” Derek replied, chuckling. As we drove home, I glanced back at the now-distant glow of Ryoko’s.  The rain pattered against the windows, a soothing backdrop to our laughter.